What makes a healthy relationship?

healthy relationship: It pains me that many are suffering unnecessarily in the name of relationship. Isn’t it better to be alone than such unwarranted molestations?

Hopefully, you and your partner are treating each other fabulously. Not sure that’s the case? Then take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think whether your relationship has these qualities:

Mutual respect:

 Does he or her get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you are acting like someone you are not!). The basic is that your boyfriend or girlfriend is into you for who you are –for your sense of humor, your love, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you are not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands –and would never challenge the person’s boundaries.

Trust:

Absolutely trust is a sign of healthy relationship. When you are talking with a guy from Chemistry class, and your boyfriend, walks by, does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you’d never cheat on him? It is okay to get a bit jealous sometimes –jealousy is natural emotion. But how a person reacts when he or she feels jealous is what matters most. There’s no way you have a healthy relationship if you don’t trust each other very well.

Honesty:

Honesty is the honey of healthy relationship. It goes hand-in-hand with trust because it’s hard to trust someone when one of you isn’t being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next times she says she has to work, you’ll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on a shaking ground.

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Support:

 it’s not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can’t take being there when things are going right (vice and versa). In a healthy relationship, your partner is there with a shoulder to bear you up when he or she finds out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play. Briefly, supportive relationship involves:

Revealing feelings –a supportive, caring relationship allows people to reveal detail about themselves –their likes and dislikes, dreams and worries, proud moments, disappointments, fears and weaknesses.

Listening and supporting – when two persons care, they offer support when the other person is feeling vulnerable or afraid. They don’t put down or insult their partner, even they disagree.

Fairness/equality:

You need to have give-and-take in your relationship too. Do you take turns choosing which new movies to see? As a couple, do you hang out with yours? It’s not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you’ll know if you it isn’t a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time. Learning to give and receive – a healthy relationship is about both persons, not how much one person can get from (or give to) the other.

Separate identities:

 In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn’t mean you should feel like you are losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives –your own families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc. –and that shouldn’t change unless there is an important need. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don’t , or give up seeing your friends or drop out of activities you love that are not detrimental to your health and that of others. Also, you should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends and moving forward.

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Good communication:

You’ve probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don’t seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase “no, nothing is wrong” can have, depending on who’s saying it! But what’s important is to ask if you’re not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because you are afraid it’s not what your partner wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need some time to think something through before you are ready to talk about it; the right person will give you some space to do that if you ask for it.

Remember the saying of Rev. Fr. Mbaka, “any relationship that lacks communication dies. If you want quit any relationship, begin cutting the communication and soonest it will fizzle away”.